spaazlicious

(all right, all right, the original phrase is "Beat you like a redheaded stepchild," but let's face it, it's utterly charming either way--who doesn't enjoy spite directed at the melanin-impaired/pigmentally-challenged?)

I've received my copy of the latest Interweave Knits. And I think IK has declared all out war on the redhead:

(please forgive the crappy scans)




If their thirst to make her look like an utter jackass wasn't slaked by the goofy skirt (sorry Anne, loved the cardi! not diggin' the skirt!) it must be quenched by those hideous scrunchy flashback suedey boots.

But no.
The blight of silly accessories continues, with the shame of a Silly Hat and the dreaded underclothing peekaboo effect (think Louet and the Nude Bra Famine of 2005).



IK: Oh sweetie, we're sorry, we're sorry, look, here's something pretty for you--the perfect color for your skintone, so lovely, so delicate, a sweet lace top...



IK:Oh, didn't we mention that the hem length of body and sleeves would totally accentuate your short torso and make you look like Biliousness Personified?

Bwahahahahahahaha!

And like so many domestic violence scenarios, the giving with one hand, pinching/burning/whipping with an electric cord with the other hand continues...



Again with the not-flattering, making her look like Starsky's love-child with a SHAWL COLLAR cardigan with KNITTED BELT and some random wooden toggle and widening horizontal rib and hippiness at the hem... Two inches longer and it's straight from the seventies (okay, with the collar kind of flipped up and not completely shawled out, we're bordering on early eighties, and I did hear they're back.) Honestly, it looks comfy, and it is a cute pattern, but it's pretty half-assed for an apology.

And, as previously observed by Jessica, this.

(aside from the demonic embroidery I actually think it's pretty cool. also, how many references to Jessica can I get away with before this post seems like a total rip-off? Oh, too late? Really? Oops. Anyway, I rest my case. Everything IK puts The Redhead in is Fug™.)

And since I still have some Bitch left in my account, I'll spend it on this:



Let's just say I'm glad my head was shaved before I saw this, otherwise I'd be having nightmares of my hair trying to eat my head too.

(The pattern's really cute though. And, honestly, I think I recognise the signs of Someone Trying To Grow Out Their Hair and in the grips of one of the many and perpetual accompanying "awkward phases." My hair makes an utterly uncharming mullet at six months growth. I fit right in at Parkway Plaza.)


On a final note:

You #$*¥%ers! Stop adopting our #^@$%ing foster dogs so fast! We only got to have Teak for maybe a week and then we were making serious progress with Hoth, but NOOOoooooooOOOOOooo, now he's gone to a great home in Murrieta.

And now we have Pomona, who's seriously cute but seriously boring, as dogs go.

And I can't find the #$(*#@ USB cord for the camera to show her sweet Orange Blossom Honey colored face to the world, so maybe that's why I'm Waxin' a Lil Wroth.

Stupid efficient adoptions matching. Stupid me for losing the USB cord. Grumble. Grumble. Grumble...