spaazlicious

...Nick's kanab in Kanab.

Ha! Kanaaaaaaab. We just like saying it and it's beautiful here. We might take an aerial tour of the area (depends how much duct tape is on the plane) and we might go tour Best Friends Animal Sanctuary before we head 80 miles south to the North Rim of the Grand Canyon.

I have a feeling we'll be coming back here again, and maybe soon. It was actually a really easy drive from San Diego, even with detours we arrived with several hours of daylight to burn. Next time we come, I think we'll try to stay at the Greyhound Gang guesthouse.

We're having fun, but we miss our dogs. Thankfully, Mom is taking good care of them at our house so we're not worrying, just missing.

Well, off to enjoy our beautiful Kanabian day!

I got tagged a while back for a meme by Ande and was just too overwhelmed by all the possibilities...I'm a big daydreamer as well as being a forgetful dumbass.

Here goes:

Pick 5 of the following and then complete the sentences. Then pass it on to 3 more of your blog friends! But no tag backs!

The Premise (pick 5):

If I could be a scientist?
If I could be a farmer?
If I could be a musician?
If I could be a doctor?
If I could be a painter?
If I could be a gardener?
If I could be a missionary?
If I could be a chef?
If I could be an architect?
If I could be a linguist?
If I could be a psychologist?
If I could be a librarian?
If I could be an athlete?
If I could be a lawyer?
If I could be an inn-keeper?
If I could be a professor?
If I could be a writer?
If I could be a llama-rider?
If I could be a bonnie pirate?
If I could be an astronaut?
If I could be a world famous blogger?
If I could be a justice on any one court in the world?
If I could be married to any current famous political figure?


If I could be a linguist? ...I'd be a cunning linguist, of course.

If I could be a writer? ...I'd write one of those books that sweeps the world and -wham!-presto!-change-o!- suddenly everyone has empathy! Even sympathy! The big picture will matter! Everyone will spay and neuter their pets (and weird relatives, of course)!

If I could be married to any current famous political figure? ...It'd be Bush Jr. and I'd feed him only on pretzels and decorate our home with Very Pointy Hard Objects. Sigh. If only that would actually come even close to solving what ails our world. (yeah, I know this second answer conflicts with my first; I'm such a flip hypocritical human being)

If I could be a bonnie pirate? ...I suppose I'd be Mary Read and shake my booty.

If I could be an inn-keeper? ...Nick and I would have a little place like Na Bolom in San Cristobal, Chiapas. Quiet, comfortable, and radiating the building of a passionate life together. It's a wonderful place.

Um, 3 to pass it on to? Heidi, Nancy, and Tara, howsaboutit?

First off, it's my Friday!

Second, I think I can tempt fate and say that Jasper has been adopted. Because of his weird luck with being "bounced" no papers were signed (as far as I know and at this point) but his new mommy has posted pictures to the GAC yahoogroup, and that's usually a good sign.

Third, I ordered more BFL and then since I was at it, three spare Lendrum bobbins from Paradise Fibers and they showed up before the charge even posted on my online statement. I love how she lets you choose the mode of shipping and only charges the cost of shipping. I really dislike UPS, despite the founder's good works. Old stuff really, I need to get over it, but I have never had a UPS package beat even a USPS media mail rate half.com order. Am I the only one? Why is "brown" the only way to go with so many businesses? I'd really like to know, actually.

Back to the point...I already have the second pound of BFL dyed in a blue counterpoint to the green:


Fresh from a washer-spin ride!

Dry wooly squiggly-kins.



The two colourways entwined like lovers...(retch)



I hope there is enough of a difference to make for interesting stripes in the Butterfly but I have actually never knit with Silk Garden or Kureyon, so I think I might cave and buy a skein or two, uh, just for research on how better to fake the Noro look in my own version. I'll put it to good use, like a Multidirectional Scarf, really, I will.

Which means it's time for a trip to the yarn store...is anybody up for doing a North County Slub Crawl this Saturday? Or is it too soon?

I haven't made any interesting progress to speak of on the hoodie, but I expect to have it finished by the 7th, as we're driving to the North Rim of the Grand Canyon for some sight seeing this next week. Which means a fair amount of car time, and while I'm usually the long haul driver, I'll take a couple shifts of knitting, I'm sure.

I had something else to say, but completely forgotten it. Hmmm...

So, last Sunday night I dyed a pound of BFL to make the Butterfly but I'm probably going to need more because if memory serves, the XS takes 550 grams, and 1 lb is less than that no matter how much you try to fool that crazy metric system.



This picture doesn't really show the true colours, as the middle is more blue, one end a darker green, the other a blue-green. I didn't take notes on how much colour went where so I have a grasshopper's chance in Oaxaca of re-creating it for dyeing the rest, but that's part of the fun. I may spin the first part to something like 3/4 of the right thickness and the rest to 1/4 and ply them. Depends on how that improves my chances of fakin' the Noro look. I love the Noro colours and striping, but I'm not real keen on the quality of the yarns and the yardage, especially for the price. Too short, and a too prone to pilling when knit at the recommended gauges.

"We don't feed dogs at the table."

No sirree, bob. Nope. Because That Would Be Bad.

Check out the pretty face my niece is giving my sister, all for the love of a lamb chop:



It's a wonder any of us still have noses on our faces. You never get between Sheila Doog and a num-num.

Actual Knit Content

Some progress on my Sirdar hooded sweatshirt back:



I f'd up a bit on the center cable, but if you can see it, don't tell me. I expect it will be hidden under the hood, and it doesn't really pop from the angora blend anyway. If it really drives me nuts maybe I'll see if Heather will hold my hand while fixing it (yes, I probably will need both hands for the dropping down and picking up, yes) but I doubt it will come to that.

In a lunch hour (which actually means a half hour of knitting) I get maybe four rows of the upper cabling repeat done. The directions are all written out, not charted, and I wonder if that would help me go faster if it were, though I can't claim I have a photographic memory for knitting charts like Lucy's Wendy.

Even if I did, I don't think I could fly like she does (not enough happy thoughts? or fairy dust?).

I can't wait to see the progress report on Monday. When I donated, I guessed that she'd have it done next Sunday night, but from the progress shown so far I'd say that I am way the hell off. I'm halfway tempted to go down to TJ and score some Ambien and send it to her as a donated prize.

It's a beautiful sweater, and gives me some insight into all the kerfluffle over Alice Starmore. And you really have to love that the fun is for a good cause.

Speaking of charted knitting, I went back to the Knitting Basket in Lemon Grove to buy the copy of Barbara Walker's Charted Knitting Designs that we saw on our whirlwind tour, but unfortunately it turned out to not be for sale.

Oh well, but I picked up a really fun old knit magazine for 64¢, including tax. I asked her, "Sixty-four cents, are you sure?" and she said, "yes" and I said, "Wow. Okay. Thank you!" I'm starting to feel like a young scheister taking advantage. Here's the cover:

Forgive the crappy photos please, the scanner light brought up unpleasant striping in the paper



It's originally from THE SUPER MART in Santa Barbara, California, according to a stamp on the cover, and the copyright is 1961. Highlights include:

"My, is it that cold in here?"

Hooray for tortoiseshell (possibly horn?) nipples! On belted knit jackets!


Mod squad reject--I actually love this sweater.


So prim and proper.


"I'm special! Speeeeeeeeshull!"


I have no idea why I find this so classically appealing.


This woman scares the crap out of me. Maybe because she looks like the Lisa Marie alien who bit off Martin Short's index finger in "Mars Attacks!"


I really like this cable rib sweater and mitered collar, and the woman reminds me of someone, who is it?

Books

I haven't been very good about keeping up with the 52 books, 52 weeks thing. Um, oops.

By now I'd really have to go back and track it all down. I know I've read at least a book a week, but some probably shouldn't even count, because they were Lemony Snicket books. Nick and I read Persepolis today and enjoyed it very much and will get the sequel in the next library trip. Every review I've seen of it also mentions Spiegelman's MAUS but the two are really very different despite the repressive, murderous regime theme. In the end, MAUS made me feel more deeply.

I also snagged The Jane Austen Book Club, Kite Runner, Saul Bellow's Herzog, The Pirates! and Allende's Zorro. I'll try to be better in the future about keeping track, because that'll be fun for me to look at at the end of the year. I should figure out how to categorise these entries. Hmmm. Maybe I should spend more time with the web publishing books I got from City. Blah.

Heidi, Nancy, and I did the whirlwind LYS tour today and got through half the list. Nancy drove in her super-cute machine and nicely put up with us oohing and aahing over the navigation system and all the car's cool details. I love the double sunroof. Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, local yarn shops.

We started with the Nest. It wasn't open yet but we pressed our faces to the glass and checked it out. There's a military bird obsession goin' on there...click the link to see what I mean. There's a lot of that on the walls and even outside on their utility box. I was intrigued.

Then we drove to the Hooters yarn store. Uh, Needleworks. Lots of novelty yarn, blah knitting magazines (an ancient Rebecca) but a fair amount of Cascade 220 and there was cross-stitch stuff on the opposite wall. Knitting bags and Susan Bates needles, and a set of rosewood needles. Didn't buy anything, but the staff were nice enough.

Next was the Knitting Basket in Lemon Grove. Jackpot! Teeny store and I don't think I'd actually buy yarn there, but WOW, what a great collection of knitting patterns and books. Stuff from the fifties on through to Folk Vests. I love old pattern books; I love those cheesy poses.



They just look so happy together in their handknit sweaters, don't they?



This pattern book just goes NUTS with the bobbles, but I find quite a few ideas coming from it. And some look simple and fun and relaxing to make--doesn't she look relaxed?



I also scored a copy of Elizabeth Zimmerman's Knitting Workshop for ten bucks. I think it was ten bucks, but the receipt is not very clear. Nothing really has prices on it, but the proprieter is very friendly. (I forgot to ask her name, oops) The Regia sock yarn is inside the glass case of the counter. There is kind of a moth ball smell when you first walk in, but as soon as you start plowing through all the funky time capsule mags you stop smelling it. She had a couple of Kaffe Fassett books and I was definitely won over to the man's gift for colourwork. Still probably won't ever knit one, but I was impressed. Anyway, if you like kitschy old knit books, the Knitting Basket is for you.

Then it was on to Two Sisters & Ewe. Their shop seems to have exploded with novelty yarn lately, but maybe that's just a sign of the times. They did have the 500mL bottles of Kookaburra WoolWash, so I snagged one of those, because I love love love love the way it smells. It reminds me of our trip to southern Mexico and the way our laundry smelled when we picked it up. Just a decadently happy and clean association. Anyway, Two Sisters has a lot of yarn for felting, some recycled sari yarn, your standard collection of the latest big knitting books, and some parakeets. Their Pony dpns are 50% off, but otherwise pretty much everything is at full retail or above.

We drove to Lakeside Knits & Cross Stitch and boy was it hot. I love Lakeside Knits because the owner Clarese is so mellow and friendly and seems pretty perceptive to people's moods. You want to chat, she chats, you want to enjoy the silence, there's silence. I think it's comfy, and I come in for little things after work all the time and she doesn't turn up her nose at me in my grubby, sweaty, smeared-with-questionable-substances workclothes. She still has sweaters worth of the Elsbeth Lavold Angora for forty bucks a bag, but I behaved myself and didn't buy anymore. I did buy Knitting Ganseys because I think I'm going through a textured knitting phase. She also has a whole other room with a great selection of tapestry yarn and such for cross stitch and carries the Denise Interchangeable Needles, Interlacements, and Cherry Tree Hill yarns.

Then we went for lunch at the Branded Oak, where the waiter flirted shamelessly with Heidi.

Sleepy from the heat and food we forged onward to Alpine and to Lori's Frames, Frills & Fibers. Cute shop. Colinette and a few other yarns we hadn't seen in other shops and a pretty good selection of Rowan patternbooks, Rebeccas, Adrienne Vittadini, On-Lines, Vogues and Noro books. They didn't have the Rowan I was looking for (or the Rebecca Nancy was looking for [#29]) but I bought a copy of Noro Knits for the Butterfly pattern (and maybe York, and Gloria, and Eloise and Myrtle).

By then, we were beat and headed back to our original rendezvous point. I came home in plenty of time to take a cooling bath and bang Nick like a drum before he had to go to work.

All in all, a lovely day, a lovely day.

I knew this was going to be a great weekend, because when I came home from working a twelve hour day on Friday, I found a package with this on the table:



Yum-yums from LoriO! A fun Vogue, wonderfully smelly good Burt's Bees cuticle cream and...CHOCOLATE. Just what the doctor ordered. And since it's been warm, it was at just the right temp for devouring right then and there, although we saved a Kinder Egg for later. I've never had a Kinder Egg before and I just think that they are awesome--chocolate and a fun little toy, to rip off Yakov Smirnoff: "Vut a country!" Just a fantastic idea, what will those wacky Germans do next?

Kinder Eggs kick the Cracker Jack kid's @SS!

Check this out, "playahs."

Thanks to Gizmodo for the heads up that my life is incomplete.

Updated to add: Look! Something fibercraft-related on my blog! WoW! I like this bit from her info page: "If any of the knots in your vagina ever become undone, ship it back to me and I will gladly replace it."
(Link cadged from Uffish Thoughts)

Sorry, slub was the only fiber-related rhyme I could could come up with.

I was thinking about touring the San Diego County local yarn stores. Using Heather Broadhurst's guide I came up with this potential hit list for Saturday. I figured we could meet up in the morning for coffee/tea and a nosh at Claire de Lune then do a tour. If we don't like a store, we leave toot sweet, if we like it, we stay and browse, whatever. Or if everybody was just there last week, we'll skip it. We don't stop 'til we've dropped. And even then...I've never actually done a pub crawl, but I believe that's the general mode of it.

9am-ish Claire de Lune, then wander over to the Nest on Kettner which opens at 10am.

Then shoot out on the 8 to Needleworks ("the Hooters yarn store" I've heard everybody call it. I've never been there, but I've heard terrible things and totally want to see for myself), then the Knitting Basket in Lemon Grove, Two Sisters in La Mesa, Lakeside Knits, out to Lori's Frames, Fibers & Frills in Alpine (I've been meaning to go there for ages) looping back from there into north county and Encinitas: Black Sheep & Common Threads, down to La Jolla to Knitting in La Jolla and Helga's Yarn Boutique and down to Needlecraft Cottage in PB and down to the Grove and a beer at the Whistlestop.

Sort of a pathetic attempt to do something in the face of all these jealous-making MS&W festival posts. Comment/e-mail me if you're into it.

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The most fibery thing I've done in the last two days is knit a row in my hoodie, and untangle the skein that Titan chewed.



I ended up with two balls of perhaps 100 yds each and six smaller balls of varying lengths. I'll never know how he managed to tangle it so badly, as it was tied with figure eights at four points, but it's all straightened out now. I'm going to put it back on the wheel to add a bit of twist and reconnect the balls, because I hate short length skeins. Anything under a hundred yards and they're just f&ckin' with me.

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A confession:

I've fallen in love with someone I work with. He's always happy to see me, he's not afraid to pee in public...his name is Snowball:



Can you believe this guy is tattooed? He doesn't look like a full-blooded greyhound, but there you go.

++++++++++++++

It's been beautiful lately, the kind of weather you should just lay on your back under a tree in the park with a book and enjoy.



What kind of a tree is that? I love the way its blossoms look after they've fallen and dried a little.


I think I'm going to try to recreate the colours in dyeing some skeins.

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Random Stuff

File this under gross but cute.

On the subject of gross, but cute: I got my hoo-hah waxed. T'ain't my first time (get it? "t'ain't" --it's a pubic region pun!) but I'm always amazed at how UNSEXY brazilians are. They hurt, and they leave my skin irritated like this:



And the fur grows back pretty quickly. But so much softer and slower than shaving, or depilitating, or straddling the belt sander, so it's worth it.

I'm still looking for the perfect San Diego waxer though and am open to recommendations if anyone has 'em.

...but I never met up with JenLa or any other knitters. I had a little spaaz drama in the morning. I was already running late, got in the car at 5.20am and said, "What am I forgetting?"
My wallet.
Tore the house apart, not in any of the usual places and it wasn't in the car because I'd had to drive Nick's car yesterday because I picked up a staple in my tire at lunch and heard the mosquito whine of air escaping when I parked in our driveway so I took his car back to work and called him at one to wake him up and he had it patched and had no faith in the patch because he knows how fast I drive so he took it to his work in a safe and level area of the lot and put the spare on because he truly is a wonderful and loving and generous and amazing human being, but the bottom line is that the last place I remember having my wallet was in his car but here it was at 5.20am and his car was in his work parking lot and he was nowhere near it to be able to check it to see if my wallet was in it or if I was truly screwed so I drove to his office (only ten miles thankfully) with his spare key and looked everywhere inside his car and still couldn't find it so I knew I had just wasted a whole chunk of time I didn't have and raced back home and tore the house apart again and still didn't find it and I was just about to give up despite the generous pledges of people like Nancy and Heidi and La and Tara. when for whatever reason (was I going to stab myself?) I opened our cutlery drawer and there it was. I cried with stupid frustrated relief as I staggered out the door almost an hour off target.


The rest of the day went muuuuuuuuuuuuuch better.

Excuses, excuses.

But since I was an hour off and the 5K was 130 miles from my starting point, by the time I got to the Coliseum I wasn't even sure if everybody would still be at the K section of the groups meeting places. And I had to piddle, so I chose to stand in a Port-O-San line instead.

And since this was my first event ever and I didn't know what to expect and didn't want to have to carry a lot of stuff, I left with only my race bib, my car key, my driver's license and some cash, no camera, no cell phone, so I have no pictures of some of the fun things I saw at the event. I do have proof I was there though, because at the end there was a Sav-On booth with a sign for pictures and a line. I thought, "oh cool, I didn't even see anyone take my pic, I hope I was smiling" because I saw Kirsten's Fitblog pics of the Santa Cruz 1/2 marathon, but then I realised that it was just a guy with a digicam taking pics of people in front of a banner. But by then I was in line, and I might not be British, but "I know how to queue." (I saw HGttG on Wednesday. Loved it, when the Heart of Gold turned into that flash of Adams' face and the movie ended I nearly cried. I think I'm turning into a crybaby. It's the knitting, I'll betcha.)

So, here's a crappy scan of a crappy photo. (Hey, if it wasn't crap it wouldn't be me ;))



This pic gives me a bit of a clue as to why the lady at my doctor's office kept referring to me as "he." I've never met a boy named Wendy but I'll bet he looks a lot like me.

I do wish I'd brought my camera. I would have taken pics of the two dogs I saw (chocolate lab and siberian husky) and of the woman cussing out her husband on her cellphone while powerwalking.

But wait, here's further proof I was in L.A., every other car in thegarage was parked like this:



It was a very L.A. sort of event. Cellphones, iPods, and digital cameras were everywhere. The runners were supposed to get a start at 8.45am and the walkers were supposed to go at 9am but they put the stand with the celebrities ("The Rock" and Halle Berry) on it right at the Start line so it meant that a lot of gawkers just packed in with their cameras. You couldn't really move to really run 'til a fair ways past the starting line and even then, the first mile was a lot of zigging and zagging through clumps of people walking, slower runners, people who were still warming up, whatever. By my watch, it was five minutes of lumbering through the crowd after the confetti flew before I could actually run. So my first mile was thirteen something, the second 22 something and the finish was 33:28. I'm not sure if that's good or not, but I don't care. It was my first event and I ran the whole time except for the few steps to drink a cup of water so I wouldn't trip. And it felt really good.

The course was nice, very flat, and the finish was great, going downhill into the Coliseum. When we ran through the tunnel we all started ululating and it was really cool. It reminded me of when I was a kid and my Dad would honk the car horn as we went through tunnels (it doesn't seem like anybody does that anymore) and of the Larson cartoon of the geese honking through a tunnel, just the joy of hearing the echoes and being alive enough to be loud.

It was a fun run, and while I didn't like the logjam of people mobbing to take pictures of "The Rock" ("ooh, he looked at me when I waved!" a woman in front of me said) and trying to get through all of that to actually be able to run, I did enjoy the zigging and the zagging to get around slower groups and stretch out my legs, it made me feel very silly. It was great weather, not too hot and not too cold. And Stella was right, the energy of the crowd just carries you along.

And I got to see the biggest pair o' titties I have ever seen on the way home:



Thanks to the ladies of JenLafor getting me involved, and sorry we couldn't manage to meet up. Another time perhaps.

So now we're thinking about the next event. Nick and I want to do some fun events together and do the Bay to Breakers run next year. Check out their crazy rules --esp. in the centipede page.
What?
No alcohol on the course?
Tell that to the guys running with the iced kegs and plastic cups.
No plastic bags as warm-ups?!
And no running naked?!?
Okay, that's just weird.
It's a 10K party with not much running (the "real" runners are seeded and get to go first, this $hit is organised) but a lot of costumes and fun.

And a big ass hill, 'cuz it's San Francisco.

Two Mondays ago I came home and checked my mailbox and found my race number from the Revlon 5k, then I checked my e-mail and found that both Heidi and Nancy had been eagle-eyed and noticed the new red square in my sidebar and had even clicked it and gone even further to make generous pledges to the cause.



When you sign up for the Revlon thing they also make it really easy for you to make a fundraising page and I meant to mention it in a post but they noticed it before I got around to it and when I wrote a post to gloat about how lucky I am to have such observant blog-buddies and other random bits blogger ate it and life got busy happening and I just didn't feel like spending much time at the computer when I was so enthralled in wallowing in my good spirits.

And getting back in shape so I won't embarrass myself by collapsing during/after the 5K.

Maybe after I get a celebratory pint in, but not before.

I'm sorry, what was my point? Where am I going with this? Oh, um, here...

Gloat, gloat, gloat, gloatiddy-gloatiddy-gloatally-diddly-gluteus-gloateus to the maximus...I love it when you write a word so much it suddenly just looks wrong and means nothing anymore...

No really, here's where I'm going, the spontaneous combination of an FO and good mail happiness:



I'm pretty sure I can't run the 5K in a skirt (though actually, why not? Though not that one, because it would cut my stride) nor have the number that low, but I couldn't resist putting it on because this is the first event I'll ever run in.

(I was going to walk so I could stitch and bitch with the JenLa crew, but when it came to choosing at sign-up I had an impetuous "what the hay" kind of moment.)

And I kind of had an idea. Remember way back in January when I made a sweater for a monkey toy poodle? Well, I always meant to write up the pattern for it and post it, because I even had someone ask me for the pattern and I meant to write you back really, really I did, but...I am a sucky blogger. But I've looked everywhere for the scratch sheet I was working from and it was really just a gauge-based template done in 2x2 ribbing transitioning to 4x4 ribbing for smooth increasing to body width and to stretch for the chest. Here's a reminder pic:



Anyway, I made this sweater for my aunt's dog, and since SweetPea is a teeny weenie I had a ton of leftover yardage for a matching moëbius lace scarf for the aunt.

I thought I would post what I have and see if people like it. If you have questions, feel free to comment or e-mail me from the sidebar, because making this stuff myself is one thing (and quick and pretty easy) and I really enjoy the idea of writing a pattern for others to use so something simple is probably a good exercise with which for me to start. Damn. It flows so much better if you end that sentence with a preposition, why is that so wrong?

And if people like the pattern and feel like donating to the Revlon 5K, then even better buttah..."churned-style bebbay." I have NO IDEA where the hell that came from, I am having full-on phrasal Tourettes today. Is "phrasal" a word? Oh, hooray, it is! La of JenLa also has a donation link in her sidebar, and you can donate at the main site too as it all ends up in the same place helping fund breast cancer research. Or if the Revlon thing isn't ringing your bell go help Yarn Envy help Locks of Love or wander through Hatamaran's great humanitarian smorgasboard sidebar and see if you can spare a couple bucks somewhere in there. Or just enjoy knitting the pattern and catch a cause later. Or not--I mean, maybe you will hate the pattern, or find it entirely useless or boring or...

Anyway, I'll start with the scarf since it is simpler. It's a super-easy to memorise feather and fan variation done in the round on a circular needle. Here's a detail of the repeat:



It's based on 24 stitches, so you can make a bigger or smaller loop by adding or subtracting 24. I used the leftover part of the skein of Fantasia by Plymouth Yarns from the 'Pea Wee Sweater project. SweetPea is pretty small (6lbs? light enough I feel confident I could pitch her past homeplate at a good speed, heavy enough to go the distance) so her sweater didn't take too much yardage, but both projects were made from just one skein. I knit with US size 13 circs, using my trusty Denise Interchangeables but a 16" or 26" would do as well. The stitches might be a little crammed on a regular 16", just a heads up.

Anyway, here we go:

With US sz 13 circs of appropriate length cast on 96 stitches. I used the knit cast on.
Okay, here is the trickiest part (yeah, that's how easy this is ;)): You know how the knitting instructions always caution you to check that your stitches are not twisted on the needle before joining? Well do that, make sure they are normal, then twist them one revolution on the needle. The stitches will look like they usually do, but there will be a revolution 'round the needle somewhere along the way. Don't worry about it, you won't notice it while knitting. Or at least, I didn't.

Here's the way the needles look with stitches cast on and untwisted:



Here's one revolution of twist:



Okay?

Heres the pattern then:

Cast on 96 (or the multiple of 24 you dig)
Twist, place a marker, and join it.

Row 1: Knit
Row 2: Purl
Row 3: Knit
Row 4: Purl (big shocker there, eh?)
Row 5: (Okay, here's where you put your beer down and pay attention for a second as you set the rythm)
*k2tog X 2, (yo, k) X 4, k2tog X 4, (yo, k) X 4, k2tog X 2*
that's the repeat, so repeat that bad boy btwn the *s 'til you hit the marker.
Row:6 Knit

Repeat Rows 5 & 6 until you're happy with the height of the scarf (or until you have only 4 rows of garter stitching worth left)

Purl a row, knit a row, purl a row, knit a row, bind off loosely to end it all.

Since this is knit on big needles, it probably wouldn't look so hot done with a worsted weight 4ply or similar sweater gear kind of wool. Go ahead, treat (or torture) yourself with a fun fuzzy yarn of the mohairy persuasion.

Ta-da! Here's a sort of close-up of the finished scarf:



Okay, this next one's a bit...vaguer. Because I lost my notes and I'm not willing to testknit for different sizes (and really, what's the point of handknitting something if you are going to have to go by someone else's notions of how something is sized or proportioned?) this is more a guide and a way to glorify the gauge swatch.

Do a fair-sized one, and do it in the round because some people have different gauges when they knit flat and when they knit in the round.
Weirdos.
Once you've found out how many stitches per inch/centimeter your chosen yarn gets with your chosen needles, go find a dog/cat/ferret/small animal in need of sweater of your choice and measure him/her. Here's a guide I made to help you get all the measurements you need in one go so you don't have to keep chasing the little f#cker down every time you're wondering if you need to increase or decrease or how much longer you should knit the sweater.

Once you've printed that (right-click, select "save as", save to where you can find it again, open a Word document or printable page of your choice, insert it, embiggen it if'n you want to, and print it) and filled it out with the measurements (and it's best to do each measurement three times and take the averages of the three for your final numbers plus add appropriate ease, because even though this guide is for a ribbing for flexibility, you still want to add some ease for more flexibility and you don't really have to do ribbing if you don't want to. You could choose any flexible stitch pattern you wanted. What's appropriate ease? Well that depends too, but call it 15%, so if the animal has a measurement of 20 inches, and you have a gauge of 4 sts/inch you want to have 92 sts on to have 23 inches around. And this is handknitting, relax, don't stress, it doesn't have to be exact. Does it seem right? It probably is.)

Okay, I'm going to fill out a mini chart with Tahoe's stats to do this with...um, I'm going to do this and get back here soon. M'kay?

In the meantime, enjoy the expression on Jasper's face.



I love picking him up and pretending to eat his spine like a corncob while growling. He's a very good boy to put up with my version of "socialisation."